Every Step of Faith is one step towards letting go of this world and holding on to the hand of Jesus Christ.
That is what this life is. This is what our lives should be. A Faith walk.
Two weeks ago the doctors told Bethany that our Baby B had what was called a cystic hygroma (don’t google for your own good, seriously) which could lead to a number of horrible outcomes. It’s part of the doctor’s job to warn you of all things, not just to give you the good news otherwise people would be dying in random places, never knowing they had cancer or a tumor. We were given our options and what they might or might not be and then we were given a timeline in which to wait. Two weeks. This set of time seems to be our reocurring time line in which to walk with Christ in faith.
As we sat and waited for our appointment on Tues. we talked nervously, trying our best to get out of our head the possibilities that might be divulged to us in the next hours and as our time came to discover what was ahead, a calm settled in me. Now is the time to hold the hand of Christ and not let go. No matter what answer was to be revealed. The doctor came in and said words that we had been praying for. ”We don’t see the cyst anymore and it’s no longer a concern.”
Then the one word that you never want to hear after a statement like that.
“But…” Here we go.
“We are very concerned about the growth of Baby A.” What? That’s not the baby we were concerned about before, i thought to myself… “Baby A is showing about a 4 day delay which is a possible indicator of twin to twin transfusion.” TTTS is what happens when twins share the same placenta and some of the veins for blood are connected to each of the babies. One baby starts to steal blood and nutrients from the other baby. This is not what we want. Not at all. The doctor continues, “So, we wait for another two weeks and see what happens then in the next ultrasound.” And that’s where I come up with the concept that this whole process is just going to be a faith growing process. Two weeks at a time we will pray for these babies until they get here and then at that point we pray even harder every two weeks that God doesn’t allow us to screw up their crazy little lives. If God brought them that far as to be born in to our lives, then they’re gonna have the craziest ride ever.
This is what is so hard about the whole pregnancy thing. You want the most normal, routine experience you could ever have but when things like this happen you realize the intricate and delicate nature in which God orchestrates His supreme symphony by showing you that He alone knows how all the pieces go together in the womb and that He alone can do what He desires to make things the way they need to be. The only thing He wants us to do is to trust. Trust that He will create the children that we need to be parents of, the protectors of, for we are just the keepers of these children, not the owners. Christ is their owner and we must direct them back towards Him in our lifetime. My friend from the band “Theft,” Matt McCartie, said it best. “Our children, as much as we love them and as much as we care for them and have brought them in to the world, are really just on loan to us.” This has stuck with me ever since that night we talked, in the parking lot in Atlanta, GA.
And so, if you choose to accept this mission of walking down this road with us, we cherish your continued prayers and support. We can’t do this alone and don’t plan on trying. It’s going to be a roller coaster of something new every two weeks, maybe that’s why God made me to love roller coasters! We’re wanting the most help that we can possibly get because that is the only way that we are going to survive this without going insane. We don’t expect God to fix every problem we have along the way, that would just make Him a genie in a bottle. We just expect Him to be who He says He is, I Am. We don’t need anything else but that. “I Am, the Provider.” I Am, the Healer.” I Am, your strong arm to lean on when things are busted and you don’t know how it’s going to work out.”