"Now the word of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.'”
What has amazed me and continues to stand over me as we sail this voyage is that God has spoken to and had conversations with my children already. He has already had His hand on them.
Yesterday was that ominous two week mark for discovering whether or not our babies would be diagnosed with TTTS (twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome). We had seen the general OB a week before and had a chance to glimpse in to their cocooned lives again. They gave us a nice performance, looking at each other and sort of batting at each other. Little did we know there was already in progress a disagreement that we couldn't see.
Our ultrasound went longer than normal, painstakingly longer, with the techs mumbling things back and forth to each other, scouring for organs and vitals,like hunting for the last elusive oil balls in the Gulf of Mexico . The sonographer finished and said that the doctor would be with us soon. Tears had started to flow already from both of us for we knew that our life was changing yet again. We walked to the consult room and waited one of the longest waits I've sat through in a long time. Trying to decipher the things I had seen floating around on the screen, hoping for the best even though I knew it wasn't going to come true. Bethany, already getting her money's worth out of the tissue box, was a trooper and let out all she could before the doctor arrived so that she could be in as an attentive mode as she could be in were as I was holding on till I could assess and then release my flash flood of tears. A knock, he enters, his disarming demeanor and calming voice does it's work as he greets us and inquires the usual formalities. We were ready though, bracing ourselves for the thing we had been praying God might spare us from. "The signs are there for TTTS." He said those four letters.
He went on to explain again what we were facing, the situation our babies are in and the steps that we probably will soon be taking in to, hopefully, helping them so that they have a chance to develop normally. We now begin discussing other hospitals, other cities, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, San Francisco, Houston. Places where parents like us have gone to give their children a chance to fight for life, where many before us have gained knowledge and technological miracles have occurred. Houston is our city of choice if/when we do enter in to Stage 1 of TTTS and we make the trek to this haven.
So remember that roller coaster I told you about? We're starting that climb up the hill.
Our continued prayer for these babies is that God would continue to keep them and that He would give us the comfort and understanding at no matter what the outcome. He ultimately knows this situation and it's finale even to the day of their deaths, even before we get to hold them. That is where I find my comfort, that even through all the hardships, my God has said that He has not left me, that He is with me always. I use this scripture reference when I sign autographs a lot bec. it is the way I finish a lot of my prayers and thoughts.
Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's;
He makes me tread on my high places.
If you want more information about TTTS visit this link. It is the link to the hospital where we will probably have this operation, laser ablation, done. There are other treatments but laser treatment is what we would be going for.
oh... by the way. They're identical =)