05 December 2010

One Day At a Time

It's hard to believe that in a few weeks my little girls will be here. Here in this world, this crazy messed up, broken & beautiful place. I've been given so much advice from so many people from so many walks of life. I love it but it's one of those things that it's a bit of an overload, having to categorize what is important for now use and what is important for use in the future with raising these girls. Life will definitely be taking a crazy turn here in a few weeks.

On an update about my girls, our Baby A is still trucking along. Things aren't getting worse, which is a blessing! We go weekly for appointments with our specialist to make sure things are still staying that way. She was about a week behind her sister still and we'll find out again this week where her weight is and how muh she has grown since last week. In terms of delivery, we will be shooting for a delivery date of the 22nd of Dec. because this will set us at twenty eight weeks in the pregnancy and will be the safest time to deliver both girls. Baby B will be the innocent bystander in this situation because she is doing just fine but will have to come out anyways. Baby A will be hopefully strong enough to be able to fight through any issues that might arise. These issues are call morbidities and are things that can cause long term damage to the baby, issues like cerebral palsy, poor motor skills, intestinal issues, blindness and a handful of other things. We would love to press through to thirty weeks but we will see what the situation is once we get closer to twenty eight.

We also finally named them. Baby A is Penelope Ann and Baby B is Lydia Belle. We wanted to keep the "A" and "B" monikers in there somehow because that's what they would have been until the end if we had gone through the pregnancy with a normal path. I didn't want to find out the sex nor name them before I saw them but alas, the best laid plans. I am glad that I know that they are girls and have been able to have that connecting time with them but that side of me that wanted that crazy surprise still says... "aww man.."

On choosing names for the babies, what a difficult crazy experience that is. I mean, it's something that has to stick with that person for the rest of their lives! Even if you do get your name legally changed, you were given one at birth! I really had wanted to wait until the day i saw them to name them but again with all the issues that we were having, needing some stability was important. Lydia was given her name because it would have been the name my mom would have given to the child she miscarried before me. I hadn't realize that my mom had miscarried until Bethany became part of the family. Bethany has a knack of getting information out of folks by just starting the question gatlin gun. I love it! So we chose that name for her. It means "seller of purple" Which is a royal color and she was also an important woman in the ministry of Paul.

Our Baby A had a bunch of names before we landed on Penelope. Evah, Annabelle, Analise but for some reason on the drive back from Houston, the name Penelope out of my head and we both agreed it was unique and different. I think it came about because I had seen a sign or billboard with one of the former actors of LOST in it and out came the name Penny. We decided to stick with the name when we found out the meaning of it. "Weaver" or "worker of cloth" is what her name means and with the battle she has been facing with her amniotic sac and the way it wraps around her like a silk cloth we saw it fitting. Also with the story of the Greek wife of Odysseus, Penelope was deeply committed to her husband and while he was at war and many suitors came for her she waived them off by saying that she was in the midst of weaving a tapestry for her husband and would not choose to try and see any man until it was done. She would nightly undo all the work she had done so that her work would never been done. Her name means "loyal" and "capable" which I just realized is also half of what my Chinese name means. Wow.

To have names given to my babies now make things even more real and even more emotional! Excitement, fright, joy, stress, angst, worry, happiness and everything else come rolling through whenever they want. Having to also keep in the back of my mind the concept of loss and to continue holding hands with that is hard. Our girls lost their friend Charlotte Hope a week ago which rang close to my heart. To be the same age as her parents, (i went to highschool with her mom) and to be in such close pregnancy timing as them, we had to really hold on while we were there because it was an emotional journey. And to update this post from when I started it, another friend close to us just lost one of their twin daughters to unknown causes. She fell asleep and didn't wake up the next day. This brought on a whole new set of emotions and feelings as i read about it this afternoon. So many psychological and emotional repercussions to this event and how this affects not just the parents but the twin sister, only time will tell.

I have always wondered when the whole being a "grown up" takes place and I feel like the moment has arrived, no matter how hard I try to deny that factor, I'm moving from an "adult" to a "grown up." I feel there is a difference between the two by now having other human beings to care for and not just yourself. I still have to make these adult decisions but along with that I have to help line the path up for these two little girls that will soon be relying on me for more than I will ever realize. To my parents and my in laws, and all the other parents out there that I have watched and analyzed, thank you for the opportunity to observe and be guided by your life decisions. Whether good or bad the choices and decisions that you all have made have been the cocoon in which this caterpillar has had the opportunity to use to grow in to a stumbling, flittering moth, desperately seeking out the light to find it's way.

Send out your light and your truth; let them lead me;
let them bring me to your holy hill and to your dwelling!

(Psalm 43:3 ESV)


Melanie said...

Well, my only advice to start with is to not be afraid to ask for help. I went to CT and stayed with friends to help with twin boys and it can be taxing, but wonderful. :)

I will pray that you can hold on for 32 weeks. So, I'll pray for January. I know it's hard as a new parent. My biggest fear was SIDS. I would check on my babies so often just to make sure they are breathing.

I just read a C.S. Lewis citation about Love and vulnerability. The two do go together, it's true.

Prayers for you all.

P.S. Beautiful names.

stebs said...

so excited for the chu family! you guys are in our prayers as our girl will likely be close in birthdate to your 2 lovely ones as well.

what a beautiful testament to the beginning of life!