He Knows Them

"Now the word of the Lord came to me, saying, 'Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, and before you were born I consecrated you; I appointed you a prophet to the nations.'”

Jeremiah 1:4-5

What has amazed me and continues to stand over me as we sail this voyage is that God has spoken to and had conversations with my children already. He has already had His hand on them.

Yesterday was that ominous two week mark for discovering whether or not our babies would be diagnosed with TTTS (twin-to-twin transfusion syndrome). We had seen the general OB a week before and had a chance to glimpse in to their cocooned lives again. They gave us a nice performance, looking at each other and sort of batting at each other. Little did we know there was already in progress a disagreement that we couldn't see.

Our ultrasound went longer than normal, painstakingly longer, with the techs mumbling things back and forth to each other, scouring for organs and vitals,like hunting for the last elusive oil balls in the Gulf of Mexico . The sonographer finished and said that the doctor would be with us soon. Tears had started to flow already from both of us for we knew that our life was changing yet again. We walked to the consult room and waited one of the longest waits I've sat through in a long time. Trying to decipher the things I had seen floating around on the screen, hoping for the best even though I knew it wasn't going to come true. Bethany, already getting her money's worth out of the tissue box, was a trooper and let out all she could before the doctor arrived so that she could be in as an attentive mode as she could be in were as I was holding on till I could assess and then release my flash flood of tears. A knock, he enters, his disarming demeanor and calming voice does it's work as he greets us and inquires the usual formalities. We were ready though, bracing ourselves for the thing we had been praying God might spare us from. "The signs are there for TTTS." He said those four letters.

He went on to explain again what we were facing, the situation our babies are in and the steps that we probably will soon be taking in to, hopefully, helping them so that they have a chance to develop normally. We now begin discussing other hospitals, other cities, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati, San Francisco, Houston. Places where parents like us have gone to give their children a chance to fight for life, where many before us have gained knowledge and technological miracles have occurred. Houston is our city of choice if/when we do enter in to Stage 1 of TTTS and we make the trek to this haven.

So remember that roller coaster I told you about? We're starting that climb up the hill.

Our continued prayer for these babies is that God would continue to keep them and that He would give us the comfort and understanding at no matter what the outcome. He ultimately knows this situation and it's finale even to the day of their deaths, even before we get to hold them. That is where I find my comfort, that even through all the hardships, my God has said that He has not left me, that He is with me always. I use this scripture reference when I sign autographs a lot bec. it is the way I finish a lot of my prayers and thoughts.

Though the fig tree should not blossom, nor fruit be on the vines,
the produce of the olive fail and the fields yield no food,
the flock be cut off from the fold and there be no herd in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength; he makes my feet like the deer's;
He makes me tread on my high places.

Habakuk 3:17-19

If you want more information about TTTS visit this link. It is the link to the hospital where we will probably have this operation, laser ablation, done. There are other treatments but laser treatment is what we would be going for.

http://www.texaschildrens.org/CareCenters/FetalSurgery/ttts/index.html

oh... by the way. They're identical =)

Every Step Of Faith

Every Step of Faith is one step towards letting go of this world and holding on to the hand of Jesus Christ.

That is what this life is. This is what our lives should be. A Faith walk.

Two weeks ago the doctors told Bethany that our Baby B had what was called a cystic hygroma (don’t google for your own good, seriously) which could lead to a number of horrible outcomes. It’s part of the doctor’s job to warn you of all things, not just to give you the good news otherwise people would be dying in random places, never knowing they had cancer or a tumor. We were given our options and what they might or might not be and then we were given a timeline in which to wait. Two weeks. This set of time seems to be our reocurring time line in which to walk with Christ in faith.

As we sat and waited for our appointment on Tues. we talked nervously, trying our best to get out of our head the possibilities that might be divulged to us in the next hours and as our time came to discover what was ahead, a calm settled in me. Now is the time to hold the hand of Christ and not let go. No matter what answer was to be revealed. The doctor came in and said words that we had been praying for. ”We don’t see the cyst anymore and it’s no longer a concern.”

Amazing.

Then the one word that you never want to hear after a statement like that.

“But…” Here we go.

“We are very concerned about the growth of Baby A.” What? That’s not the baby we were concerned about before, i thought to myself… “Baby A is showing about a 4 day delay which is a possible indicator of twin to twin transfusion.” TTTS is what happens when twins share the same placenta and some of the veins for blood are connected to each of the babies. One baby starts to steal blood and nutrients from the other baby. This is not what we want. Not at all. The doctor continues, “So, we wait for another two weeks and see what happens then in the next ultrasound.” And that’s where I come up with the concept that this whole process is just going to be a faith growing process. Two weeks at a time we will pray for these babies until they get here and then at that point we pray even harder every two weeks that God doesn’t allow us to screw up their crazy little lives. If God brought them that far as to be born in to our lives, then they’re gonna have the craziest ride ever.

This is what is so hard about the whole pregnancy thing. You want the most normal, routine experience you could ever have but when things like this happen you realize the intricate and delicate nature in which God orchestrates His supreme symphony by showing you that He alone knows how all the pieces go together in the womb and that He alone can do what He desires to make things the way they need to be. The only thing He wants us to do is to trust. Trust that He will create the children that we need to be parents of, the protectors of, for we are just the keepers of these children, not the owners. Christ is their owner and we must direct them back towards Him in our lifetime. My friend from the band “Theft,” Matt McCartie, said it best. “Our children, as much as we love them and as much as we care for them and have brought them in to the world, are really just on loan to us.” This has stuck with me ever since that night we talked, in the parking lot in Atlanta, GA.

And so, if you choose to accept this mission of walking down this road with us, we cherish your continued prayers and support. We can’t do this alone and don’t plan on trying. It’s going to be a roller coaster of something new every two weeks, maybe that’s why God made me to love roller coasters! We’re wanting the most help that we can possibly get because that is the only way that we are going to survive this without going insane. We don’t expect God to fix every problem we have along the way, that would just make Him a genie in a bottle. We just expect Him to be who He says He is, I Am. We don’t need anything else but that. “I Am, the Provider.” I Am, the Healer.” I Am, your strong arm to lean on when things are busted and you don’t know how it’s going to work out.”

I Am.

Calling all Intercessors.

Dear Praying Friends,

Our little family needs your prayers. I had an appointment today with the specialist and they found that Baby B has what's called Cystic Hygroma. Its scary if you Google it so he suggested that I not and I'm sticking to it. Basically it's a fluid filled cyst along B's back and neck and can be an indication of nothing, of chromosomal disorders (mainly cardiac), or of Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome (TTTS) which can be fatal. If you look at the ultrasound picture with both of them in it from 11 weeks or if you watch the video of the ultrasound on facebook you can see it pretty clearly. He said there's nothing that we did to cause it and nothing we can do to change it. It's just a matter of praying and waiting to see how things develop. They don't usually see it this early and I'm not sure whether that's good or bad, but I have another appointment in 2 weeks to see how things are progressing.

It is a very real possibility that we could lose little Baby B so the immediate request is for it's safety. If the Lord chooses to let us keep our little miracle there could also be some health issues once it's born. So the secondary request is for it's healing.

Most of all we ask that you pray that God will get the glory no matter what happens and than He'll give is the peace and faith to handle this situation that He's entrusting to us.

Thank you for your prayers and support

The Chus (all 4 of us)

New York, New York!

End Day 4 of Shinedown Tour.

I'm sitting in the hotel lobby in Secaucus, NJ, debating on what I want to do tomorrow in the New York City! We had a great show the other night at the Nokia Theatre in near Times Square and I had a chance to walk around a little bit then but there's still so much of the city that I don't know about or don't have time to get to that I'm feeling quite overwhelmed with it all! I think what I have decided to do is try to see two museums and have some food in Chinatown. I think that's about all the time i will have as well as much money I'll want to spend tomorrow.

We've been having an interesting time so far on this tour. This is my first secular tour and the first major difference is basically kindness. There's just a lack of kindness in the people that are out on the road in the secular world and a part of me is afraid that is what's going to wear me down on this tour. Some guys are extremely nice and others, their whole goal on the road is the old saying "sex, drugs and rock and roll." I thankfully haven't seen any of the first one, i've smelt enough of the second one and we're all trying to accomplish the third one. I'm hoping to keep it that way!

So... that's my update for now! I'm gonna try and find out some info about tomorrow!

Jonathan

A Letter to the Editor...

OK... not really... this is a letter i wrote to a friend to help him understand some basic camera controls... i realize that i have a number of friends getting in to the DSLR world and thought i'd post it here so i can send the info on to other people.

(if i have information not correctly written out.. please let me know! I'm a semi-self taught photography. Semi - meaning i read a lot of books and absorbed about 30% bec. i'm just that ADD... I always love constructive criticism!)
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(my friend was contemplating buying a Nikon D40 vs a Nikon D60... that is where the conversation starts...)

OK... so here's another thought on the cameras. Yes... at 3:30 in the AM. had to take my pain meds and you came to mind.. go figure.

Buy the D40, bank the extra cash and get good glass because truthfully at this stage, megapix matters but not a whole lot. Sensor size is what really matters here and both are fairly decent sensors. The issue you will face will be shooting in low light situations which will require you to bump the ISO (your film speed) up to higher levels which will increase noise (pixelation or grain). To help you achieve decent pics in these areas you'll need a low fstop or aperture.

Good glass will be the only way to achieve this... which means dropping some cash on some. Anything with a 2.8fstop or lower is what you want. These lenses are pricey but worth it because all you really need is one good one and it will pay for itself when you try and get that concert shot that always was blurry before. Don't skimp on glass because when you do it will come back to haunt you. I like to stick with Nikon/Nikkor school glass because when you start dabbling in 3rd party stuff you get some iffys and it's not really worth dealing with even though they have some nice stuff out. (iffy's being cloudy glass, noisy motors, off focused elements, poor quality cut glass)

The issue you're going to find also with the D40/60 is that the auto focus is driven in the lens, not the camera which means some older lenses won't work on your body. Make sure that when you are buying glass that it is compatible with the body. If it's not, you'll end up having to hand focus.

Here's a great review on the D40. Ken's site is the place to look for anything Nikon.
http://www.kenrockwell.com/nikon/d40.htm

Lastly, if you're just wanting a dslr for more of a glorified p&s, check out some advanced p&s because they really do make some great shots. I bought B one that i love to carry with me when i fly because it's compact and can still pull the load when i want to get a good shot. It also does video which is a BIG plus when in those situations where you just want a video camera.
Canon G10 or SX10, Panasonic Lumix DMC-FZ28K, Nikon P6000 or P90. Great p&s.

Hope that helps. Sorry i couldn't get back to you sooner!

Happy shooting!
Chu

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(he asked whether or not the zoom in a lens affected aperture... and some other questions about lenses and shooting... my next response.)

Increase in range does affect the aperture. The longer the zoom the increase in aperture. So when you are at 55 it'll be like 4.5f but when you get out to 200 you're around 5.6 which is a drastic cut in light intake.

Here's the basic menege a trois when it comes to SLR photography.

[ISO (eye s oh)] - essentially your film.
The lower the number the more light required.
Ex. 200 - outside / 400-600 - Bright Inside(low outside) / Above - Dark environments

[fstop setting or aperture] - The iris/diaphragm of the lens (looks like shutters in a circle that widen or close) allows more light in.

The lower the fstop the more light coming in, the faster your shutter speed can be, creating a shallow depth of field or boke (pronounced like a bouquet of flowers) or that cool blurry texture behind a person.
The higher the fstop the less light coming in, the slower your shutter speed has to be, creating extreme detail for distant objects. Basically any landscape picture (think Ansel Adams).

[Shutter speed] - the speed at which the shutter opens and shuts. When you're reading a shutter speed setting it will range anything from Bulb" which is you push the button and then push it again to close the shutter / double digit seconds (60 30 15 10 sec.) to 1/8000 of a sec. so stupid fast.


All three of these things work together and mostly apply in non-preset options:
M - Manual - you control everything
A - Aperture priority - The camera chooses the shutter speed for you while you set the fstop
S - Shutter Priority - The camera chooses the fstop for you while you set the shutter speed
P - Program - Point and take a picture, the camera chooses the settings for you, meaning fstop and shutter speed - but different than the green box which is automatic, that does EVERYTHING from setting your ISO to firing your flash if needed.

Say you're outside taking a picture of your wifey. The sun's overhead and there's just grass behind her that you want to make all blurry looking so her face just pops. Sun = lots of light = low ISO - 200 I want a shallow depth of field so i choose a 1.8fstop and shutter speed is gonna be high because of the amount of light coming in.

Say i'm in a concert though and i want to get the killer light show. It's dark - so i need a higher ISO 800 but i'm still gonna need that lower fstop so lots of light can come in. say, 2.0 - 2.8fstop but my shutter speed still has to fire pretty slow so that the light can still come in, but fast enough to catch the guy head banging in action... has to be around 1/100 of a sec. or faster.

Say i'm taking a pic of Mt. Rushmore. It's cloudy out so the light's kinda iffy. 500 - i want to get the zit on Washington's face. i set my fstop to 22 and then adjust shutter speed to what's needed...

ISO, fstop and shutter speed play hand in hand.

So... that's your crash course in photography. Have fun shooting! I expect nothing but money shots now =P you have all my secrets!

My Love/Hate Relationship

I'm in this fling right now... it's a bad one. It's an on again/off again thing and I really need to decided which way i want it to go... Blogging, you're so good to me... and bad to me!

I don't know why i get into those ruts where i just don't want to sit down and blog at all. I try often to come up with something to make me interested in writing and posting but they always backfire on me. For example, SOC shots has to make a come back... i know that it's definitely something i want to do often but haven't stopped to do it! Well.. maybe i'll do one now. But hopefully as the year comes to an end and the new one crests i will nurture this relationship!








The original - SOC shot



The edit

My Review of Byer Amazonas Barbados Hammock

REI

Perfect for one, cozy for two--Amazonas Barbados is the ideal hammock for a relaxing afternoon.

Byer Amazonas Barbados Hammock

Hammock Time is the best time!

jchu1080 Memphis, TN 9/14/2009

 

5 5

Pros: Comfortable, Quality Construction, Good Size, Easy Setup, Attractive Design

Best Uses: Relaxation, Families, Backyard

Describe Yourself: Midrange Shopper

I bought this for my wife for our second anniversary. She's always wanted a hammock and esp. so since we just purchased our first house with the perfect set of hammock trees.

I, for some reason, missed out on the fact that it didn't come with the gear I needed to start using it right away so i had to go to a near by outdoors store to buy some slap straps and carabiners to start using.

My wife and i love relaxing in this hammock for reading and taking long summer naps! Great design, extremely comfortable, easily transportable and easy to store. I highly reccomend keeping it in it's bag when not in use because the cotton is not resistant to anything.

()

My Review of REI Ultra Light Jacket - Men's

REI

The spectacular Ultra Light jacket features two-way stretch ensuring great performance and an ultra-comfortable fit.

REI Ultra Light Jacket - Men's

I Love Playing in the Rain...

jchu1080 Memphis, TN 9/14/2009

 

3 5

Gift: No

Fit: Feels true to size

Sleeve Length: Feels true to length

Chest Size: Feels true to size

Pros: Comfortable, Waterproof, Lightweight, Durable

Cons: Inadequate Protection, Doesn't Breathe

Best Uses: Hiking and Camping, Casual Wear, Wet Weather, Extreme Conditions

Describe Yourself: Avid Adventurer

but not so much when it your jacket leaks on you.

I travel for a living and pack my bag with gear that i think i might end up using. This jacket has saved me many a time in torrential downpours and crazy storms. It's extremely compact and light, easily stored in any bag, and provides great protection.

I would have given it a 5 but it has just started to leak and like a number of other users, is not breathable at all. I sweat pretty profusely and when I'm hiking with this jacket it feels like i have saran wrap stuck to me skin. No good. Thank goodness for REI Coop. I'm taking it back for a replacement!

()

It's Just Hard...

to see these parents be verbally abusive to each other in front of their cognitive, young kids. They will never know the damage they're doing to them and their own relationships in the future. I hope I never speak to my wife like this guy's speaking to his wife...

I think in that lays my fears about being a parent and bringing children into this world. I fear the things that I will pass on and instill in my children - my bad habits, my fears, my insecurities. Do I want to spawn carbon copies of myself? Do I want to incorporate my genetic malfunctions into another generation?

What will having children bring out in me that I don't know is inside of me...the father inside.

SOC Shots

I've decided to start a series of posts called "SOC Shots." SOC Shots aren't going to be pictures of smelly accessories that we put on to help give our feet an extra morale boost but rather these shots are going to be pictures straight out of the camera - SOC!

I wanted to start these, hopefully, frequent posts so that I can become a better photographer. Most photographers take their shots, process them in Photoshop, Lightroom or Aperture, give them a polished look and post/print them which turns out amazing photographs and award winning art. I will post my versions of those shots as time goes along as well.. but i want to

hone my skills to a point where I can present to you an image that doesn't need extra help, but rather is simply displayable all on it's own. Unhindered goodness!! So! Without further adieu!

My first SOC Shots!

Dogs confuse me...

My dog hates it when I blow in her face but she loves stickin her head out the car window.

Good Intentions

I've often discovered that I have the best intentions for things that start and often I follow through. But other things slip through the cracks and end up being the "inbetween" and never ever make it to the other side. This blog, along with a few others i have out there, sadly became the inbetween.

Life has been interesting lately which is the reason why i'm trying to fish the words out so I can start writing again. There use to be something so therapeutic about sitting down to a blank sheet of paper, a white screen, a napkin, anything that was write-on-able and start crankin out the thoughts. Yeah, not so much lately. I don't know if it's God's way of saying, "hey... i need a little more attention here" or just the words are gone... but with as many things going on like they have been... it's time to try and write for a little bit, even if it is forced.

We're in full summer tour swing here in the Skillet camp. It's been a busy one, so far, with lots of amazing shows to tell the kids about and new experiences to keep me going. We've gotten to play for a lot of fun crowds and do some really unique things this tour. The two major things that happened this summer are the addition of big ribbon lifts that elevate us up to about twenty three feet head height and a lot more pyrotechnics. Last year we had the pyro and it was insane getting used to playing with it. This year it felt a bit more normal even though it's still will never be normal telling people about it. Alas, this is my job, trying to explain to people that i play for a rockband. "Right... sure you do" is what i'm sure most of them think.

I really hope to keep this up and to make more use out of this blog. I use to be an avid blogger over on Xanga but sadly it has fallen to the wayside and collected dust. I hope i'm not paying for that still! I have to find a way to get all of those posts off of there! There were a lot of good entries!

If you do read this and you follow me, encourage me to write about something! As many things that are going on in my life, i should be able to verbalize it and share it with folks.

For now... here's a clip from open mic night with Bethany. Hope you enjoy!!

Me from Jonathan Chu on Vimeo.

Welcome To Our World




Jonathan Allen Grizzle
06/15/2006 2:30am

Light Bright Not Bright Enough

sometimes in life you grasp a moment and you hope and pray that that moment is really happening. I had a moment like this last year where i had the opportunity to be a part of something but only for a moment did my fingers string so lightly through her hairs as she passed...

yes...i am disappointed. It's hard when the moment was there and you thought you were supposed to have a shining moment...but then you find out your shining moment was glazed over by other brilliant lights

i sound egotistical about this...i'm trying not to...i promise
it's just hard...

Some things in life never change...